Cheat Code
Finally, it’s time for a cheat meal. Or is it a cheat day? Cheat week? Actually, when does it even start to count as a cheat? One cookie? How about a few skipped exercises to cut the workout short?
Sometimes the hardest thing about making progress is knowing when it’s okay to ease up. We can’t be perfect all the time. But we also don’t want to undo progress we’ve worked hard for.
Another gray area. We love to hate gray areas.
Rules About Rules
The argument for this on-again, off-again approach is summarized by the overused, oversimplified mantra “everything in moderation.” How confusing. The phrase itself is a rule about having no rules. Yet we’re told this is the reasonable approach. That there’s no need to be extreme.
But moderation can be taxing to manage. It requires a decision every time a behavior presents itself. Moderating a behavior is a fancy way of saying, “sometimes you do, sometimes you don’t.”
Talk about lack of clarity.
When do you? When don’t you? It’s constant negotiation. For some behaviors, managing the negotiation is a bigger challenge than choosing whether to do them or not.
Moderation is supposed to provide flexibility by softening rigid boundaries around change. But this flexible approach can sometimes end up being the hardest one to maintain.
Sometimes or Never
An area of my life where both of these dynamics exist is food. There are certain foods I choose not to eat, and others I eat sometimes.
Hydrogenated oils are an example for me. I don’t eat them. I’ve learned enough about their negative effects on health that I’ve decided it’s something I’d just rather not consume. Even if the food is tasty, the tradeoff isn’t worth it. If I see them on the ingredients list, I pass. Plain and simple.
Ice cream is a different story. I like ice cream—to put it mildly. I come from a long line of ice cream enthusiasts. Is it good for me? No. Do I eat it with every meal? Of course not. But I eat ice cream because I enjoy it. And I’ve decided that the negative impacts of eating ice cream sometimes don’t outweigh the enjoyment I get from it. So for me, it’s a “sometimes food.” Which means I have to decide, sometimes.
Both of these arrangements work. But the reason is less about the rules, and more about the effort it takes to follow them.
Once And for All
Because of my rule, I couldn’t tell you the last time I knowingly ate food made with hydrogenated oils. Not because I’m incredibly disciplined, but because that decision was made a long time ago and never revisited. Rather than being an ongoing negotiation, the matter is settled.
That cognitive loop is closed.
The reason binary decisions work for certain behaviors is that they compress a lifetime of decisions into one. Once it’s made, it’s policy. And the policy becomes routine.
On the other hand, while “everything in moderation” sounds like it allows for freedom, it can be the harder path. It means the decision stays open. They’re decided on the spot every time, against whatever circumstances you’re facing at the moment.
For certain behaviors, it’s easier to make the decision once than face it repeatedly. For me, ice cream is a decision I’m willing to revisit. But if my circumstances change—if I were diabetic or lactose intolerant—that could become a binary decision.
The difference isn’t discipline, it’s decision architecture.
For certain behaviors, it’s easier to make the decision once than face it repeatedly.
Moderate or Eliminate
Deciding whether a decision should be binary or gradual doesn’t have to be dramatic. You need a framework to help determine which approach fits. I’ll offer an example, but you can tailor it to your own logic or tendencies. I’ll call it “Moderate or Eliminate.”
Questions to consider:
- Does the behavior reliably lead to predictable negative patterns? (Once I have one, I’m likely to have another). If yes, this might be a binary decision.
- Can you define “good enough” compliance without it feeling like rationalization? If not, this might be a binary decision.
- After making your choice, do you frequently feel like you made the wrong decision? If yes, this might be a binary decision.
- Do you feel stress around making the decision each time? If yes, this might be a binary decision.
These questions help clarify whether the cost of repeatedly addressing the decision is worth it. If not, approach it as a binary decision. Make it once—and don’t revisit it.
One Decision
Sometimes a moderated approach is exactly right, especially for lower stakes decisions. Other times, the gray area grows so wide that you can’t tell the difference between a reasonable standard and a rationalization. That’s usually the signal.
Knowing which is which isn’t about discipline or willpower. It’s about choosing the right architecture for the change you’re trying to make. The best decision is often the one you only have to make once.
As always, thanks for reading. I’m truly happy you’re here.
All the best,
Nate