The Perfect People

You’ve seen them: the people who seem to have it all figured out. Perfect morning routines. Flawless discipline. They make transformation look effortless—they wake up at 5am, meditate, journal, hit the gym, all before you’ve even had your coffee.

When they talk about it, it sounds straightforward. You nod along, you try, but somehow their advice never quite translates to your life.

You close the app feeling worse than when you opened it. Like you’re the problem.

When Inspiration Becomes Inadequacy

It’s natural to admire people who seem to have it all. Especially when they make it look so easy, while we struggle to make the most basic changes.

We start to compare ourselves to these highly visible people, subconsciously lending them the authority to determine what “doing it right” looks like. They become barometers for our success. But from what we can see, they do everything perfectly, which doesn’t make us feel great in comparison.

When we admire someone, we want to be lifted up and inspired. So why does this admiration do the opposite? Leave us feeling smaller, less confident?

Admiration is supposed to make you feel bigger—not smaller

The Mirror, Not the Model

Admiration of influencers, fitness gurus, or celebrities doesn’t diminish us because we’re inferior, despite sometimes feeling that way. What’s more likely happening is we’re misinterpreting why we admire them in the first place.

We think we’re looking up to them because they have something we don’t—knowledge, certain abilities, or know-how. But what we’re actually recognizing, is they’re demonstrating an amplified version of a quality we already possess. It’s just underdeveloped or under-expressed in us.

When you follow a certain fashion influencer’s every post, it’s because you have a desire and impulse to express your own sense of fashion. Your inner fashionista relates, saying, “yeah, I could totally do something like that.”

Our admiration is signaling that we could do that too, under the right circumstances.

Signal or Verdict

There’s nothing wrong with admiration. The danger is when we treat admiration as a verdict, instead of a signal. When admiration inspires us to develop further, it’s a driver of success. But when someone else’s success feels like evidence of your inadequacy, admiration collapses into self-judgment.

You stop asking, what do I like about what I’m seeing here, and start asking, why can’t I do it like that?

That’s when things go sideways.

At that point, admiration no longer drives you forward but freezes you in place. Or worse, pushes you backwards. Instead of being a motivator for growth, it’s a reminder of how far you have to go—of how far everyone else is ahead of you.

Applied correctly, admiration can direct your attention inward—enhance it, not diminish it. Used incorrectly, it hands your sense of progress over to someone else. Someone who will never have to live with your circumstances or outcomes.

The danger is when we treat admiration as a verdict, instead of a signal.

Yours to Give

Giving someone your admiration is more intimate than we give it credit for. We’re taking a part of ourselves that we value and placing it in the shadow of someone else’s persona. It’s a subtle act of emotional subordination, not in a bad way—just an admission that they excel in an area where we only aspire. It’s inherently vulnerable.

But giving them that admiration doesn’t make them an authority over your progress. It doesn’t make them a useful measuring stick and they don’t get to set the standard. You don’t need their pace, their style of expression, or their identity.

Those are unambiguously yours.

What you are giving them is the opportunity to inspire you. Their role doesn’t extend beyond that. As long as they are stoking your fires of creativity or motivation—admire on. If it starts to feel like it’s turning on you, take it back.

It’s your admiration to give, and it’s only worth giving if it’s benefiting you as well.

On Your Terms

The next time you close the app feeling diminished, pause. Ask yourself: is this admiration inspiring me, or is it becoming a verdict on my worth?

If it’s lifting you up—keep it. If it’s weighing you down—let it go. You’re not obligated to admire anyone whose success makes you feel like a failure. That’s not inspiration. That’s comparison dressed up as motivation.

Let others show you what’s possible, but you get to decide what’s right for you. And when admiration stops feeling like inspiration and starts feeling like judgment? That’s when you take it back.

It’s yours. Always was.

As always, thanks for reading. I’m truly happy you’re here.

All the best,

Nate